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"body": "<p>Question: Why did the matzoh quit his job?? </p><p> A. Because he didn't get a raise!! </p><div><div>Question: What's the difference between matzoh and cardboard?? </div><div> A. Cardboard doesn't leave crumbs in the rug!! </div><div> </div></div><div><div>Question: Why was the Matzah so anxious? </div><div>A. He was afraid that he was cracking up. </div></div><div> </div><div><div>Q: What do you call someone who derives pleasure from the bread of affliction? </div><div>A: A matzochist</div></div><div> </div><div><div>Q: What kind of cheese do I eat on Pesach? </div><div>A: Matzo-rella </div></div><div> </div>",
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"covertext": "Morris calls his son in NY and says, \"Benny, I have something to tell you. However, I don't want to discuss it. I'm mere...",
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"body": "<p>Morris calls his son in NY and says, \"Benny, I have something to tell you. However, I don't want to discuss it. I'm merely telling you because you're my oldest child, and I thought you ought to know. I've made up my mind, I'm divorcing Mama.\" The son is shocked, and asks his father to tell him what happened. \"I don't want to get into it. My mind is made up.\" \"But Dad, you just can't decide to divorce Mama just like that after 54 years together. What happened?\" \"It's too painful to talk about it. I only called because you're my son, and I thought you should know. I really don't want to get into it anymore than this. You can call your sister and tell her. It will spare me the pain.\" \"But where's Mama? Can I talk to her?\" \"No, I don't want you to say anything to her about it. I haven't told her yet. Believe me it hasn't been easy. I've agonized over it for several days, and I've finally come to a decision. I have an appointment with the lawyer the day after tomorrow.\" \"Dad, don't do anything rash. I'm going to take the first flight down. Promise me that you won't do anything until I get there.\" \"Well, all right, I promise. Next week is Passover. I'll hold off seeing the lawyer until after the Seder. Call your sister in NJ and break the news to her. I just can't bear to talk about it anymore.\" A half hour later, Morris receives a call from his daughter who tells him that she and her brother were able to get tickets and that they and the children will be arriving in Florida the day after tomorrow. \"Benny told me that you don't want to talk about it on the telephone, but promise me that you won't do anything until we both get there.\" Morris promises. After hanging up from his daughter, Morris turns to his wife and says, \"Well, it worked this time, but what are we going to do to get them to come down next year?\"</p><p style=\"text-align:center;\">*****</p><p>Passover is approaching. At the Seder table, every Jewish child will be retold the story of Moses and the Pharaoh, and how G-d brought boils, locusts, hail and the other plagues onto the Egyptians. Yet in spite of this overwhelming evidence of G-d's intentions, Pharaoh refused to let the Jews go, until a tenth plague, the death of the first-born children, was inflicted on every Egyptian home, passing over the Jewish homes. Only after this tragedy did the Pharaoh relent and let the Jews leave slavery and Egypt to begin their journey to the promised land.</p><p>This has been known for generations. What has not been known is why the Pharaoh, in the face of such overwhelming evidence would refuse to release the Jews after the first nine plagues? It took eight years of research by Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, the renowned psychologist and nurse, to find the definitive answer. Dr. Kubler-Ross spent those years studying the Dead Sea Scrolls before discovering the answer. And once found, it was obvious.....The Pharaoh was still in de Nile.</p>",
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"covertext": "LET MY PEOPLE GOAnonymous When Israel was in Egypt’s land,Let My people go!Oppressed so hard they could not stand,Let My...",
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"body": "<ol><li>LET MY PEOPLE GO<br />Anonymous </li><li></li><li>When Israel was in Egypt’s land,<br />Let My people go!<br />Oppressed so hard they could not stand,<br />Let My people go!<ul><li><span>Refrain:</span><br />Go down, Moses,<br />Way down in Egypt’s land;<br />Tell old Pharaoh<br />To let My people go!</li></ul></li><li>No more shall they in bondage toil,<br />Let My people go!<br />Let them come out with Egypt’s spoil,<br />Let My people go!</li><li>Oh, let us all from bondage flee,<br />Let My people go!<br />And let us all in Christ be free,<br />Let My people go!</li><li>You need not always weep and mourn,<br />Let My people go!<br />And wear these slav’ry chains forlorn,<br />Let My people go!</li><li>Your foes shall not before you stand,<br />Let My people go!<br />And you’ll possess fair Canaan’s land,<br />Let My people go!</li></ol>",
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"body": "<p>A little boy once returned home from Hebrew school and his father asked, \"What did you learn today?\" </p><p>He answered, \"The Rabbi told us how Moses led the children of Israel out of Egypt.\" </p><p>\"How?\" </p><p>The boy said \"Moses was a big strong man and he beat Pharaoh up. Then while he was down, he got all the people together and ran towards the sea. When he got there, he has the Corps of Engineers build a huge pontoon bridge. Once they got on the other side, they blew up the bridge while the Egyptians were trying to cross.\" </p><p>The father was shocked. \"Is that what the Rabbi taught you?\" </p><p>The boy replied, \"No. But you'd never believe the story he DID tell us!\"</p><p style=\"text-align:center;\">*****</p><p>George W. Bush, in an airport lobby, noticed a man in a long flowing white robe with a long flowing white beard and flowing white hair. The man had a staff in one hand and some stone tablets under the other arm. </p><p>George W. approached the man and inquired, \"Aren't you Moses?\" </p><p>The man ignored George W. and stared at the ceiling. </p><p>George W. positioned himself more directly in the man's view and asked again, \"Aren't you Moses?\" </p><p>The man continued to peruse the ceiling. </p><p>George W. tugged at the man's sleeve and asked once again, \"Aren't you Moses?\" </p><p>The man finally responded in an irritated voice, \"Yes I am\". </p><p>George W. asked him why he was silent and the man replied, \"The last time I spoke to a Bush I had to spend forty years in the desert.\"</p><p style=\"text-align:center;\">*****</p><p>As Moses and the children of Israel were crossing the Red Sea, the children of Israel began to complain to Moses of how thirsty they were after walking so far. Unfortunately, they were not able to drink from the walls of water on either side of them, as they were made up of salt-water. </p><p>Then, a fish from that wall of water told Moses that he and his family heard the complaints of the people, but that they through their own gills could remove the salt from the water and force it out of their mouths like a fresh water fountain for the Israelites to drink from as they walked by. </p><p>Moses accepted this kindly fish's offer. But before the fish and his family began to help, they told Moses they had a demand. They and their descendants had to be always present at the Seder meal that would be established to commemorate the Exodus, since they had a part in the story. When Moses agreed to this, he gave them their name which remains how they are known to this very day, for he said to them, \"Go Filter Fish!\"</p><p style=\"text-align:left;\">*****</p><p>Who was the best businesswoman in the Bible? </p><p>Pharaoh's daughter, she pulled a profit out of the water. </p><p>(the prophet Moses) </p>",
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"covertext": "A blind man is sitting on a park bench. A Rabbi sits down next to him. The Rabbi is chomping on a piece of matzoh. Takin...",
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"body": "<p>A blind man is sitting on a park bench. A Rabbi sits down next to him. The Rabbi is chomping on a piece of matzoh. Taking pity on the blind man, he breaks off a piece and gives it to the blind man. Several minutes later, the blind man turns, taps the Rabbi on the shoulder and asks, \"Who wrote this crap?!!\" </p><p style=\"text-align:center;\">*****</p><p>At our seder, we had whole wheat and bran matzoh, fortified with Metamucil. The brand name, of course, is…”Let My People Go.” </p><p style=\"text-align:center;\">*****</p><div>What kind of cheese do I eat on Pesach? </div><div> </div><div>Matzo-rella </div><div> </div>",
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"body": "<p>With Pesach soon upon them, the Jewish community in Madrid found themselves in a desperate situation. There was an acute shortage of horseradish. (Now many of you may not know that horseradish is the key seder ingredient, and not only that fiery condiment for gefilte fish, and which is also known in Hebrew as chrain). </p><p>A hue and cry arose and the entire community was mobilized in an effort to prevent this shonda (shame, tragedy). All the European Union Countries gave them the same reply, \"Sorry, we have none to send.\" In desperation, the Rabbi phoned one of his Yeshiva friends in Tel Aviv and begged him to send a crate of horseradish by air freight to Madrid. </p><p>Two days before Pesach, a crate of grade Aleph, tear-jerking, Israeli horseradish was loaded at Ben Gurion Airport onto the EL Al 789 flight to Madrid, and all seemed to be well. Unfortunately, when the Rabbi went to the Madrid Airport to claim the horseradish he was informed that a wildcat strike had just broken out and no shipments would be unloaded for at least four days. </p><p>As a result: The chrain in Spain stayed mainly on the plane. </p>",
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Let My People Go Sheet Music
Haggadah Section: Maggid - Beginning
Source:
http://library.timelesstruths.org/library/music/L/Let_My_People_Go/Let_My_People_Go.pdf
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