A Graduate Student Haggadah: Ten Plagues
(With each word, the test tube is tipped to spill one drop of virus onto a petri dish with a bacterial lawn)
2) Broken equipment
3) Radioactive spills
4) Missing reagents
5) Incomplete protocols
6) Buildup of freezer ice
7) Radiation safety training
8) Sloppy labmates
9) Reagent backorders
10) Rejection of the first paper
Participant: And it is written, "The graduate students went unto MIT biology and for six years they sojourned there."
Participant: Professor Akiba of Beersheba U sayeth, "The motto of MIT is "Mens et Manus", "Mind and Hands." Thus, the grad students were smitten with the mind and both hands of MIT with 12 years of grad school in all.
Participant: And Professor Lawrence of the Technion sayeth, "How may one prove that the students were smitten with 24 years of grad school? Well, it is written each year of graduate school was filled with challenges, frustration, difficulties and toil. Thus, the students were afflicted not with 18 years of graduate school, but with 24 years in all."
Participant: And Professor Leffin asketh "How one may show that the students were afflicted with 120 years of graduate school? I have no idea, but if I ever have to write a grant proposal demonstrating it, I'll bet I can come up with something."